A year ago by this time, I could have locked myself in a room, having a one-woman pity party all by myself. This was my ‘oh so feeble game’, I was learning the culture of being myself, unaccompanied in my lonely misery. I had ended my first relationship.
I had part time classes so when my roomies would leave for lectures, I would lock myself in and cry my heart out. Can you perhaps relate to my situation?
The agony got just too much, I’d been bottling up my emotions just to prove I wasn’t just some frail and weak girl out of her depth. When my roommates are back from class I was just another bold, brave girl. Never would they see me crying. But I detested myself by this time, I hated being on my own because I had had a companion, but now he was gone, he had ceased to exist. Welcome to the single block Twiiti!
Last year by now I could be stuck up in bed, in my pj’s, wallowing in my own mess and couldn’t just find a reason for the sun to shine on me. I was single and broken. You know when you are used to having your favorite cake every day and one day the baker disappeared? That was the feeling, no more cake for me and certainly none of his sugar. I walk the streets and assume that every man jack sees my heart, knows my story, my sad story that the cake wasn’t there anymore, the baker played me and left me famished.
This year today I’m hopping about on my bed and singing out loud ‘Future Mask’s Off and even more loudly ‘Tekno’s Yawa’. I just don’t care anymore that the baker screwed with my emotions and left me flat. I had got used to being with myself. Alone. I had gotten so relaxed with this ‘masterbaker’ that I ended up losing myself and in my need for the sugarboy ended up submitting myself to his every dark desire. Who does that? Apparently, a pretty dumb girl with little relationship experience.
She lost herself trying to please the other, and so she cared much less about her own life and her own needs. Well I will keep telling you that that girl was dumb 16 months ago, and some other months before that too. How could she depend entirely on a flimsy guy? Who does that? That girl did, for the sake of the sweetness of that sugar boy’s love she gave herself to him. And she thought she could just get away with that! Where was her life? She had given her treasure on a promise that never came.
If she had given any real thought and care with any wisdom, if she had even listened to her Granpa she would have avoided the wearisome, mind-numbing and deadly life that she had now consigned herself to.
Did she ever go to the movies? Nope.
Did she attend ‘Spoken Word’? Nope.
Did she go out with her pals just for ice-cream? Never.
You see why I say her life was trapped in nowhere land? Someplace in a relationship that had made her life meaningless. She was so disabled and disappointed that she even shut down her own imagination. Friends please never do that to your beautiful self. I repeat NEVER do that to your amazing soul? What are you to live for on this Earth?
Well, that dumb girl became a little wiser this year. She has been picking up herself and got to see the light at the end of the tunnel. She doesn’t whine on why she’s alone, she does not complain nonstop on why she’s single. She became wiser to know that being alone is not that bad. I repeat, being alone is actually amazing as well.
Are you trapped behind the doors of despair because you’re suffering from from a bad breakup?
Please avoid the trouble of loneliness entering your beautiful life. I’ve told you how that girl got damaged in more ways than one, right? That is not so cool. Do not deprive yourself of happiness because some dumb guy broke your heart. Those are lessons learned. You can’t miss out on movie nights, amazing events because you cannot manage being alone. Life might turn around and manage YOU because you gave it your authority.
The now wise girl is taking herself out, she’s appreciating life more than ever, she is spreading her wings! I’m certain you are tired of crying, your tears might well just run out on you as well.
Don’t be the dumb girl, nor that dumb guy, get up and explore the world, or else the world will come and bite you on the ass!
© Lady Twiiti 2017